


it was such a rollercoaster (some killer queen you are)

by magnetaire



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: College AU, F/M, M/M, finn is a calrissian because why not, rey was adopted by luke when she was like ten, the rogue one squad might pop up later because again, why am i doing this instead of writing my college essays, why not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnetaire/pseuds/magnetaire
Summary: Rey attends Yavin College and makes friends, bonds with former enemies and even falls in love with an anonymous musical theater enthusiast who keeps posting about Les Misérables on her college's Facebook page.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 22
Kudos: 61





	1. searching for my trouble but my trouble finds me

“It’ll be fine, Rey. Just follow your instincts.”

She glances around and shakes her head ever so lightly. She’s known these buildings all her life, and yet there’s something daunting about the idea of actually _living_ inside them instead of comfortably going back to the house she has inhabited for the past eight years of her life along with the college dean, Professor Skywalker. Then again, she _does_ know that she could go back if she absolutely wanted to and live off-campus for all four years of her advanced education, but deep down she knows that she doesn’t want that. Granted, she loves watching National Geographic documentaries with Luke and drunk-tweeting the last episode of _Succession_ from her bed after a long day helping him and his sister Leia out in the lab, but she usually aches for a meaningful relationship with people who aren’t, well, practically forty years older than her. She wants a group of friends who will take her out on a Friday night, and who will respond favorably to her memes and her conspiracy theories on Donald Trump and the latest Marvel movie — but, above anything else, she just wants to _belong_.

That doesn’t keep her from feeling a bubble of anxiety inside her chest when the door of her shared dormitory creaks open, though.

“Hey! Uh, this is — this is dormitory 505, right?” A short, black-haired girl peeks in and offers her a gentle smile. She fidgets with her fringe before adding, “I’m Rose. And you’re . . . you’re Rey, right? I think we’re supposed to be roommates?”

“Oh. Oh, yes, Rose, nice to meet you.” Rey offers the girl a kind smile and sticks out her hand, unsure whether teenagers still shake hands nowadays. The expression of pure thrill that sets on Rose’s face as she shakes her hand does calm her down a little, though. “How are you?”

“The trip here was exhausting, honestly,” Rose groans as she drags her luggage inside their room. “Had to fly all the way to New York from San Fran, plus the train. I really don’t know what I was thinking when I decided I wanted to go to school in _upstate New York_ when I’ve never been anywhere more eastwards than Chicago.”

Rey laughs and shrugs ever so lightly. She’s _definitely_ never been anywhere other than the different houses that she had been assigned to before ending up at Professor Skywalker’s — but it’s not like Rose has to know that just yet. “Oh, yeah, that must’ve been hard. Didn’t your parents help you, though?”

“Ah, no, they couldn’t,” Rose clicks her tongue and shakes her head. “But it’s all right, I guess — my sister Paige is a senior here and she’s been sharing a flat off-campus since last year, so she didn’t have to carry all that much stuff and helped me out a little.”

“Oh, that’s great.” Rey does a small smile, because she’s always wondered what it feels like to have a sibling — she has only very remotely hung out with Leia and Han’s only son every now and then, and she doesn’t exactly _like_ him all that much.

“What about you?” Rose questions before motioning towards one of the beds. “Mind if I take this one?”

“Sure, go ahead,” Rey shrugs before opening one of the few boxes that she has brought with her. She doesn’t own many things, and most of her stuff is still back at Luke’s anyway. “I . . . well, I live nearby, so the whole moving in thing was easy.”

“You’re so lucky,” Rose groans as she flops onto her now designated bed. “You from New York?”

“Uh, no, not really,” Rey shrugs. “I . . . I’ve been living here since I was ten.”

“What do you mean, here?” Rose’s eyebrows rise. “Here as in on campus?”

“Well, not _here_ here, you know. My . . . my foster dad’s the college dean, so I used to live with him in this small cottage nearby.” Rey bites her inner cheek quietly. She’d told herself she wouldn’t let her roommate know about her family situation _that_ quickly, and yet she’d somehow managed to screw it all up — _again_. She waits for some sort of negative reaction from Rose, but instead the girl just laughs and shakes her head as she flips a Physics book open.

“You’re the dean’s daughter?” She repeats. “That’s so _cool_ — I bet you get free meal tickets all the time.”

Surprisingly enough, Rey finds herself laughing a little, too. “Well, yeah, sometimes. I used to spend most of my afternoons here — I had a special library card and everything, you know.”

“A _special library card_. Well, you definitely _are_ something, Rey . . . I’m sorry, what was your surname again?”

Rey smiles ever so lightly, knowing fully well that she finally has an answer for that question. “Skywalker. I’m Rey Skywalker.”

···

As it turns out, Rose is an exceptionally kind and surprisingly funny roommate. The two girls spend the rest of the day figuring out where to place all of their stuff, with Rose constantly asking her about what life in an upstate New York college town feels like and Rey countering with numerous questions about California — does it really _never_ snow? — and what her parents and sister do for a living. She soon learns that her roommate will be majoring in Computer Engineering, and that she’s been great at computers and videogame programming ever since she was a little girl. She also learns that she owns plenty of _Rick & Morty _t-shirts but happens to _loathe_ every single “dudebro” who claims to love Rick, and that she excels at drawing and at reciting every single American History lesson that she learned in high school, especially if it’s about the Space Race or the Founding Fathers. She knows that it’s not too much and that it’s probably too early to call her new roommate her _friend_ , but she does feel like they’ll get there eventually.

The two of them are back from buying a few pillows and decorating lights at Target, with Rose blasting old rock songs on her phone as Rey tries to park her car inside the student parking lot. She laughs at Rose’s comic rendering of one of Brian May’s most well-known guitar riffs, but immediately gasps when she realizes she’s hit someone with the back of the car.

“ _Shit_!”

The two girls immediately throw their heads out the window and sigh with relief when they realize that the boy they’ve just hit is only complaining about a grocery bag gone amiss. Still, Rey leaps out of the car and walks up to him, an apologetic look on her face.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” she says, trying to help him pick some of the stuff up. “I — sorry, our roommate and I were just a little distracted.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” the boy grumbles. He’s a little taller than Rey, and his curly brown hair is gleaming with what looks like the remainders of a broken egg. She can’t help but giggle a little before trying to brush it off his forehead, with the boy’s nose immediately scrunching in surprise. “I, uh, it’s all right.”

“Sorry,” she repeats. “I . . . do you want me to drive you back to the store and buy you whatever needs replacing?”

The boy sighs and shakes his head. “No, it’s all right. I live right there,” he signals towards the very same college building where Rey and Rose live, “my roommate and I just decided to split the grocery shopping because he says the cafeteria food’s _utter shit_ and he’d rather cook us some stuff for dinner, apparently.”

“It’s not that bad, actually,” Rey offers, a sheepish smile on her face as she sticks out her (sticky) hand and offers it to the boy in front of her. “I’m Rey.”

“Finn,” the boy replies. There’s a gentle smile on his face in spite of what has just happened, which makes Rey think that he is either exceptionally good-natured or high on some college drug that she hasn’t become acquainted with just yet. “You a sophomore?”

“What? Oh, no, I’m a freshman,” she replies, shaking her head. When Finn’s head tilts in confusion, she adds, “It’s just that I live nearby and I . . . well, have had lunch here a couple of times.”

“Oh. All right,” Finn nods. “I just moved here for college from Chicago, so . . . yeah, I’ll let you know if I need directions, ‘cause I’m terribly bad at them.”

Rey laughs. “Sure thing.” She then motions towards Rose, who is taking their Target acquisitions out of the back of the car. “That’s my roommate Rose. She’s come all the way from California!”

“I have,” Rose nods, placing her sunglasses on top of her head before shaking Finn’s hand. “Nice to meet you! You’re actually, well, only the second person I meet here besides Rey, so. Yes, we’re all still excited about socially bonding with our peers!”

Finn lets out a laugh before nodding. “Yeah, that’s a nice way to put it. Do you guys live nearby?”

“I think we live in the same building, so . . . mind if we join you on the way back?” Rey offers.

“Sure thing.”

Rey grins as she takes some of the Target bags before following Rose and Finn towards their building. The boy tells them all about his life in Chicago as they head back to their dormitories — he lives with his father and his sister Jannah there, and she’ll hopefully join him at college next year, even though there’s a certain rebellious streak to her that apparently worries the older boy to no end. Rey likes the way he’s generally soft-spoken and nice about everything — he likes more or less the same TV shows than she does, but he doesn’t hold strong opinions against her favorite characters and calmly lets her explain why the _Game of Thrones_ finale was total bullshit, even when he himself enjoyed it in spite of all the criticism. He does have strong political thoughts, though — he despises the Government and is quick to show them both a meme account that he and his sister share on Twitter, where they basically post every single anti-Republican meme that they find and retweet every one of Bernie Sanders’ tweets. By the time they get to their dormitory — Rose and Rey’s 505, Finn’s and his unknown roommate’s 520 — the three of them are laughing so hard that Rose decides it’d be best if she created a group chat for Finn to share all his Ted Cruz memes with them.

“Dude, Finn, I thought you’d never make it back!”

The two girls glance up to find a black-haired boy draping an arm around a suddenly nervous-looking Finn. He flashes a smile towards the two of them, and adds, “Hey, hi! You friends of Finn’s? I’m his roommate, Poe.”

“Hi Poe!” Rose replies, her tone perhaps a bit too high. “We just met, actually. But yeah, we’re friends now — I’m Rose.”

Poe laughs and shakes the girl’s hand with a gentle smile on his face. “Nice to meet you, Rose. And you are . . . ?”

“Rey,” the girl says before shaking Poe’s hand. He looks a little older than the rest of them, and she can understand why Rose’s response to his question was so prompt — he _is_ a rather handsome young man, after all. “Nice to meet you, Poe.”

“It’s good to see we’re making friends, F-Man!” Poe laughs, ruffling Finn’s hair as the other boy simply sighs. “Perhaps we could go out sometime?”

“That’d be nice,” Rey nods, a bubbly feeling growing at the bottom of her stomach at the idea of _going out_ with the three students that she has only just met.

“We were thinking of making a group chat,” Rose adds. “So maybe we could add you too and discuss it over there? We’ve still got some decorating to do, Rey and I. And I want to make sure I’ve done all my reading before my first Physics lecture tomorrow.”

“Sure! Let’s all be responsible for a bit — _immigrants, we get the job done_.” Poe flashes one last smile before patting Finn’s shoulder. “Text them my number, all right? I gotta go now — Professor Organa wanted to see me about my scholarship. It’s been really nice to meet you two, though!”

Rey quietly realizes that there’s a grin on Finn’s face that doesn’t quite fade away until well after Poe leaves.

“He looks totally cool,” Rose points out as she quickly adds their new acquaintance to the group chat. “I’m totally sending him some _Hamilton_ memes later.”

“He’s a junior,” Finn adds casually, pretending not to feel wholly mesmerized by the conversation that has just happened right in front of him. “He’s supposed to live in the college dorms because of his scholarship, I think. We only met earlier today, but . . . yeah, he’s really nice.”

“Someone’s got a crush?” Rose counters, a broad smile on her face. She even laughs when Finn scratches his cheek, almost as though trying to hide a non-existent blush. “Aw, come on, it’s totally understandable. He’s — well, he’s _gorgeous_ , isn’t he Rey?”

“Yeah,” Rey muses distractedly as she glances through the window. There’s no denying Poe’s attractive, and he does look like an exceptionally nice guy, but Rey isn’t quite sure he’s the type of boy who would make her swoon.

Not that she _does_ swooning, anyway.

“What’re you looking at?” Finn asks curiously after finally dropping his grocery bag. He leans over and frowns at the sight of two boys discussing something right in front of their building. One of them is almost ridiculously tall, with long-ish black hair and dark clothing; the other boy, shorter and red-haired, seems to be arguing with him with a rather petulant expression on his face. A third person, a silver-haired young woman, seems to be calling for them from the parking lot. “You know them?”

“Uh, yes,” Rey says distractedly. “It’s . . . sort of a long story, really.” She frowns at the sight of the taller, black-haired boy, and her two new friends just share a confused glance as she adds, “I know his parents well, but we don’t really get along.”

“Is he a student here, though?” Rose questions. When Rey nods curtly, she just laughs softly and shakes her head. “I guess you’re just going to have to put up with him for another four years or so, then.”

Rey sighs, and ultimately shrugs her shoulders. “I guess.”

She has never liked Ben Solo-Organa, she realizes as the young man disappears inside the silver-haired girl’s car. She loathed him as a child, and she knew that the feeling was mutual, at least to a certain degree — she dreaded the idea of going over to the Solo-Organas’ and having to sit next to him, and even as a teenager the boy still deemed her unworthy of his attention and merely ignored her whenever they were together. She has never really understood why, but she has never questioned it, either — she simply assumes they’re too different, and that the fact that his parents like her doesn’t mean that he’s automatically supposed to like her too. But she knows that a part of her _does_ wish he had liked her when they’d first met, when the boy was only twelve and could have acted as a brotherly figure for her. But he didn’t, and now she simply has to bear with his presence looming around the campus for another four years because, in spite of having boasted about being accepted into MIT and Harvard and Yale, Ben Solo-Organa had ultimately decided to _stay_ , just like she had. But _why_?

Rey is exceptionally good at coming up with answers for all sorts of questions, but she hasn’t quite managed to crack that one just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo idk why i ended up writing this instead of getting ready for christmas eve dinner but yeah there you go! i'm not american so idk i just tried my best at making the whole college thing look realistic ok! will be posting the following chapter asap - buckle up because there's a lot more nerdiness and meme-related discourse coming up


	2. oh, why are girls in songs always seventeen?

**_TED CRUZ IS THE ZODIAC KILLER 2k20_ **

_four members, created 8/29/2019_

_roseschuyler: y’all up for some drinking later???  
poedameronzz: omg rose what are u talking about ur eighteen ur supposed to b drinking soda and soft drinks  
barricaderey: cut the crap dameron it’s been a long week  
roseschuyler: captain its only wednesday  
fincalrissian: yeah just buy us the booze old man  
poedameronzz: im so disappointed in yall  
poedameronzz: im totally not buying you beer after class_

“So, Poe . . . what’re you majoring in exactly?” Rey asks right before taking a swig from the beer that she and Finn have decided to split. Their first day of college has been exhausting but also absolutely fascinating — Finn and Rey shared most of their classes, and there was something absolutely thrilling about getting to the lecture hall without having to sit on her own like the girl had always dreaded.

“Uh, Biochemistry,” he says as if it’s nothing, and flashes a smile at the three freshmen in front of him. “I’m a junior, actually, but my scholarship won’t allow me to live off-campus and I just kept sharing a dorm with two very annoying freshmen until I met this guy here yesterday.”

“So you’ve been here for the past two years, in the Biochem department?” Rey questions curiously. She used to help Leia at the lab when she was in high school, and it surprises her to think that they’ve never bumped into each other before.

“Yeah. I only started working as a lab associate this summer, though,” he explains. “It’s been really fun — Professor Organa’s practically become my new mom, mind you, but I’m learning _a lot_.”

“You know, you never struck me as a STEM major,” Rose countered. “I thought you’d be majoring in, I don’t know, Economics or Sociology or something like that.”

“What, because he’s pretty?” Finn snorts, shaking his head, and grins when Poe lets out a hearty laugh. He then jabs Rey playfully with his index finger, a questioning look on his face. “And what are _you_ planning to major in, anyway? You’re taking the oddest classes this year — Intro to Linguistics, Shakespeare 101, but also goddamn Organic Chemistry? Make it make sense, Skywalker.”

Rey shrugs, playing around with her beer can for a few seconds before replying to her new friend’s question. In all honesty, she hasn’t quite figured out what she wants to do just yet — she loved Math and English equally back in high school and, although she’s been helping Professor Organa with her research every now and then, she doesn’t feel like a lab is where she truly belongs. Her freshman classes are general, even a little vague, almost as though they were an extension of her senior year of high school — but she’s okay with it, because she doesn’t really know what she would have picked if they’d made her choose a defined career path at age eighteen.

“I’m not sure,” she finally admits. “I . . . I enjoy studying a bit of everything, you know? I like Shakespeare, and atoms, and World War One, and general physiology. I think I’d be happy as a doctor, or as a lawyer, or as a college professor. I don’t know, perhaps it’s just that the idea of _actually_ having a college education is already pretty overwhelming to me, so . . .” She notices the look on her new friends’ faces, and she can’t help but cringe when she recognizes the usual pity that comes along with her indirectly mentioning her somewhat forgotten past. “It’s all right, though. I have Professor Skywalker — that’s my foster dad — and Professor Organa — that’s his sister — now, and they’ve always reminded me how important it was that I got to college.”

“They really do sound like extremely nice people,” Finn nods, a half-smile on his face. He squeezes Rey’s shoulder ever so lightly, and the girl can’t help but feel thankful for the understanding, loving feeling that lies beneath her new friend’s gesture. “You know, my sister and I spent some time in foster care too. Our dad — well, he got in some trouble when we were little, and then our mom died, and . . . well, it just wasn’t extremely pleasant, you know. But then he got better and became a great dad and there you go. One of his closest friends teaches a course or two here, by the way — Archaeology, I think?”

Rey’s eyebrows rise in excitement. “You mean Professor Solo? Oh, he’s great! He’s Professor Organa’s husband. They . . . well, they’ve always been extremely kind to me, to be honest. And his lectures are usually _fascinating_.”

“Yeah, he’s cool,” Poe nods, a half-smile on his face. “Their son, on the other hand . . .”

“C’mon, I’m sure he’s not that bad,” Rose counters. “Do you guys know him personally?”

“ _I_ do,” Rey says, shrugging her shoulders a little. She is often blatant about how Ben Solo tends to get on her nerves in private, but shaming a fellow student in front of her new friends somehow doesn’t feel entirely right. “I . . . well, he’s _difficult_ , I guess. Professor Solo used to be away most of the time when he was little, and Professor Organa was too caught up in her research to really, you know, be a _mom_. But she was a really good one, in her own way.”

“The guy’s a total little shit,” Poe cuts before downing his beer. “I had a few classes with him back in our freshman year and he would just sit there looking all entitled and stuck-up. His dorm used to be right next to mine, but I think he’s sharing an apartment somewhere with Hux and that Phasma kid. I think he’s majoring in Astrophysics? Who cares, really.”

“Yeah, fuck him!” Finn says, perhaps a bit too loudly. From what Rey can gather, he’s hardly drunk any alcohol before — so he must be feeling a little tipsy already. Not that she hadn’t noticed from the way he keeps leaning on Poe’s shoulder whenever he says something that the other boy finds even remotely funny.

“All right, all right, let’s bring it down a notch or two before someone complains about us,” Rose says, gently taking the beer can away from Finn. The boy groans and tries to take it back, but she just chuckles and takes a long gulp from the almost-empty can before glancing towards Rey, “Hey! Why’re you on your phone?”

“Oh, nothing,” the other girl replies quickly as she shows the other three what she had been reading up until then. “I knew there was a college Facebook page run by students, and I just felt like checking it out.”

“Ooooh, I heard two guys got together after meeting on there,” Rose says, her eyebrows rising repeatedly. “What’s the Yavin College community up to on this fine Wednesday night, though?”

“Nothing much,” Rey replies as she scrolls down the page. “Some dumbass is literally begging for some sophomore or junior to help him out with his Intro to Sociology class, and then there’s someone who’s asking for a jacket they lost in the Bio building. And then there’s . . . hold up.” She squints at her own screen, her three friends practically surrounding her by now. “There’s this kid who calls themselves _Kylo Ren_ who’s posted a ‘Stephen Sondheim Musicals Ranked’ post from _The New York Times_. Ha. I didn’t know musical theater was a _thing_ here.”

“Is it, though?” Finn’s brow furrows as he takes a look at the article and the profile that posted it earlier that evening. “I don’t know, this just looks like some sort of . . . I don’t know, theatre kid who’s all pressed about the fact that we don’t have a musical theatre program or something like that.”

“I do wish there was a musical theatre program here,” Rose sighs. “That’s the one and only thing I’d dump Computer Engineering for — being a _Broadway star_.”

“I think you’ve seen that _Hamilton_ bootleg way too many times, Rose,” Poe chuckles before gently taking Rey’s phone from Finn’s hands. “Okay, this _definitely_ looks like a major theatre kid.”

Rey, feeling a little too encouraged by the inappropriate amounts of beer that she has been drinking over the past hour, simply giggles and shakes her head. “This kid thinks Stephen Sondheim is better than Andrew Lloyd Webber — the _audacity_.”

“Uh, hello, have you seen _West Side Story_? _Into the Woods_?” Rose scrunches her nose in feign disgust. “Sondheim’s obviously the superior guy when it comes to musical theatre.”

“Dude, I’m so lost right now,” whispers Finn, shaking his head indignantly as though echoing Rose’s words.

All four of them end up laughing, drinking a little more and exchanging comments about their favorite musicals, and before they realize it it’s well past midnight and they’re all feeling a little too exhausted from all the drinking and talking and being college students for the first time in their lives, so when Rose and Rey wobbily manage to stand up and decide to call it a night the two boys just laugh and nod and make them promise they’ll come back tomorrow after class because, as Poe gently puts it, they’d better hang out as often as they can before they’re all too caught up in their coursework to even think of staying up late more than once or twice a week. After the customary hugs and taking care of the empty beer cans, the two girls quietly manage to make their way back to their dormitory, unable to stifle a giggle or two when they slip inside and realize that no one, not even their nosy neighbor, has caught them red-handed like they thought they would.

And for a moment Rey feels absolutely exhilarated, because the idea of college that she has always had in her head matches exactly what her evening with Poe, Finn, and Rose has been like.

Perhaps that’s what prompts her to open the college’s Facebook page again while Rose takes a quick shower, and perhaps that’s also why she scrolls down the tabloid as she snuggles into bed until she finds the mysterious Kylo Ren’s post again. She taps on his profile page and finds that it’s almost empty — his profile picture is a black-and-white frame from a Noah Baumbach film that she vaguely remembers seeing in theaters a few years ago, and his only Facebook friends are the official Student Board profile and a Broadway News fanpage. Perhaps it’s the tipsiness that still clouds her mind, or perhaps it’s just the fuzzy feeling that entails finding someone whose interests are so radically similar to hers — because there hasn’t been much of that in her life, at least not until now — but she finds herself hitting the ‘Request Friendship’ button before Rose comes back from the toilet.

She switches her phone off right after that, but she can’t help but feel a little twinge of excitement inside her stomach at the idea of letting Kylo Ren know how absolutely _wrong_ they are about Stephen Sondheim’s musical being better than Andrew Lloyd Webber’s — he created _Les Misérables_ , for God’s sake, she mumbles to herself before closing her eyes and quietly dozing off.

•••

“Hurry up, sleepyhead. You’re gonna be _late_.”

Rey wakes up with a groan and casts a glare towards Rose’s bed, where she’s reading the latest _Captain Marvel_ issue while sipping a mug of tea. The two girls have only been sharing a room for a couple of nights, but Rey has already learned that her roommate is a morning person who just so happens to have midday lectures, which allows her to goof around in bed and play video games while Rey sulks about needing more sleep before heading to her 8 AM lectures.

She decides to scroll through her notifications before getting up. Poe sent them a number of photos that they’d taken the previous night, and Luke had texted her if she wanted to meet up for lunch sometime before the weekend, because he had a symposium in New Orleans the following week and would be away for a few days. Finn had _also_ texted her a picture of Poe right after the older boy had fallen asleep, along with several emojis that made Rey think that her new friend was still feeling a _little_ tipsy when he decided to send the pictures to her. She laughs, and zooms in for a second before noticing that she also has a Facebook notification — which is strange, because she has never really used Facebook all that much.

And then it dawns on her, and she feels _absolutely_ mortified when she realizes why someone called Kylo Ren has texted her on Facebook in the middle of the night.

_Kylo Ren [2:45 AM]: Hello?_

_Kylo Ren [2:45 AM]: I’m assuming you bumped into my post on our college page, because I’ve only ever used this profile to interact over there._

Her eyebrows rise when she reads his messages — for God’s sake, he texts like a fifty-year-old.

_Rey Skywalker [6:52 AM]: Hey! Yeah, sorry I was a little drunk lol_

She doesn’t expect him to reply for quite a bit if he’d been up at two forty-five in the morning, so she simply pockets her phone and gets ready for her first lecture — Intro to Linguistics, which Finn happens to take too. She gets dressed and ties her hair up in her usual buns before slinging her bag on her shoulder, and checks her phone in case Finn’s texted her something else — she still hasn’t replied to the photos he sent her earlier that night, because she just finds the whole situation of him having a crush on his roommate all too amusing to take it seriously — but instead she finds another Facebook notification.

_Kylo Ren [6:55 AM]: That’s all right. Hope you’re not too hungover — although I feel like college professors are fairly used to that by now. You got any early lectures today?_

She chuckles at the message, and looks up to find Rose eyeing her with a questioning look on her face.

“Who’s texting you this early in the morning?” she asks, with a certain amused edge to her voice.

“Oh, it’s no-one, really. Just the kid who posted that Stephen Sondheim thing yesterday,” she explains. When Rose’s eyebrows rise in surprise, she just shrugs the matter off with a wave. “It’s nothing, we’ll probably just text for a bit then forget about each other and go on with our lives. See you later, I’m meeting up with Finn for coffee before class.”

“All right, all right. See you later.”

She walks up to Finn and Poe’s dorm, and gives a gentle knock to the door before replying to Kylo Ren’s text.

_Rey Skywalker [7:02 AM]: Nah it’s not too bad I just feel a little tired but that’s got a lot more to do with having stayed up late lol_

_Rey Skywalker [7:02 AM]: And yeah I’ve Intro to Linguistics now yay me_

_Rey Skywalker [7:03 AM]: btw the reason I added you on here was because I needed to tell you you’re WRONG_

_Rey Skywalker [7:03 AM]: Andrew Lloyd Webber is clearly the SUPERIOR musical theatre composer like haven’t you seen Les Mis or Phantom of the Opera or Cats I mean_

_Kylo Ren [7:04 AM]: Les Mis isn’t Webber’s._

_Rey Skywalker [7:04 AM]: … isn’t it_

Rey’s eyebrows arch in surprise, and she’s obstinately looking the information up on Google when Finn comes out of the room and Poe greets her with a lazy ‘morning’ from his bed.

“How’re you feeling?” Finn asks. He rubs his fingers against his temples, which makes Rey think that he himself isn’t feeling all too great after last night’s drinking session.

“Good,” she replies distractedly, furrowing her brow at her phone. Kylo’s right — she’s been scrolling down Andrew Lloyd Webber’s shows for a few minutes and _Les Misérables_ is nowhere to be seen. When she’s about to reply to the mysterious Facebook user’s text, she realizes that they’re typing again.

 _Kylo Ren [7:08 AM]: I can see why you’d think that, but Schönberg wrote and directed the original stage production. I_ love _Les Mis, trust me — but Stephen Sondheim’s just the superior guy._

_Rey Skywalker [7:08 AM]: okay I googled it and you’re RIGHT how come I’ve been living all my life like this. I feel like I’ve been lied to_

_Kylo Ren [7:09 AM]: Don’t worry — happens to the best of us._

_Kylo Ren [7:09 AM]: I’m assuming you enjoy musical theatre, though?_

_Rey Skywalker [7:11 AM]: Yeah but I promise I’m not a fake fan or anything it’s just early and I haven’t had my first coffee yet_

_Kylo Ren [7:13 AM]: Understandable. You said you’re going to Intro to Linguistics? With Professor Tuesso?_

_Rey Skywalker [7:14 AM]: Yeah my friend told me he’s a bit of a prick? Should I be worried_

_Kylo Rey [7:14 AM]: Nah, he’s all right. His classes were cool — even for a STEM major._

_Rey Skywalker [7:15 AM]: lmao what does that mean_

_Kylo Ren [7:17 AM]: Oh, nothing. Just that I’m more scientifically inclined. I do enjoy my theatre and my impressionist art, though._

_Rey Skywalker [7:20 AM]: God you sound just like my dad_

She keeps chuckling and shaking her head as she follows Finn inside the cafeteria, where the boy orders two cappuccinos and eyes her curiously every now and then. Rey, apparently unbothered by her friend’s inquisitive glances, pockets her phone when she notices that Kylo hasn’t replied for the last couple of minutes or so, and looks up at Finn with a half-smile on her face.

“What? You texting your boyfriend? Or girlfriend?” Finn teases.

Rey shakes her head. “Nah. I added that kid from the college Facebook page and we’re . . . exchanging ideas. That’s it.”

“I’d be careful if I were you,” he advises, only half-seriously. “I bet that dude’s just about to send you a dick pic.”

“ _Finn_!” Rey replies, swatting his arm as her cheeks turn a light red. She doesn’t have much romantic experience with boys, but she definitely knows that she likes them — and, even though receiving an inappropriate picture from Kylo would mortify her to no end, she feels even _more_ mortified by the fact that she’s actually allowed herself to explore the possibility for a mere split second. “How do you even know it’s a guy, though?”

“Girls _never_ post stuff like that with such entitlement,” he shrugs before taking a sip from his cappuccino. “Only a mediocre white man would feel confident enough to post his opinion on Stephen Sondheim musicals on our damn college Facebook page.”

She can’t help but laugh a little at that. “Okay, that’s a _great_ point. But don’t worry, I don’t think we’ve got that much in common — he’ll probably leave me on read and carry on with his life. And that’s totally okay!” Although it isn’t, because she _likes_ Kylo Ren’s somewhat dry sense of humor and the idea of sending texts back and forth with him does seem quite appealing at the time.

“Nah, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Finn offers her a kind smile. “At least it’ll be _easier_ than me sharing a goddamn room with Poe for an entire year.”

“Hey, that’s not the right mindset!” Rey protests. “Sharing a room with him means that you’ll be able to cuddle and sleep together _every single night_ once you two get together.”

Finn snorts. “You’re joking, right? He’s so very obviously straight, Rey.”

“Is he, though?” Rey counters. She feels uncertain about a lot of things in her life, but Poe Dameron’s sexual orientation isn’t one of them. “Rose told me he’d said something about having this weird sexual fantasy with Professor Solo after seeing a picture of him when he was younger. Which totally grosses me out because the guy’s like a father to me, by the way, but that’s beside the point right now.”

Finn’s eyebrows arch in confusion, and for a moment he just looks down at his cardboard cup of coffee before shrugging and taking another sip from it with an uncertain expression.

“He might be into guys,” he admits. “But he definitely thinks we’re best bros or something like that. Which I’m totally okay with, by the way, but it’s a little hard to just hung out with a guy like him without . . . well, wanting to _kiss_ him all the time.”

“We’ll get you there eventually, Finn,” Rey promises as she gently pats his shoulder. “We’ll get you there. For now let’s just focus on the lecture and Professor Tuesso’s crankiness.”

“God, why did we even pick this course,” Finn sighs. “I should’ve signed up for Intro to Sociology instead.”

Rey laughs, and Finn laughs too. The two of them are clicking exceptionally quickly — he’s beginning to feel like the brother she’s never had, and the boy seems to genuinely like her too. Sitting next to him in every single class feels only natural, and exchanging memes and inside jokes with him has become sort of their trademark in spite of only having known each other for a few days, much to Poe and Rose’s annoyance. But the other two seem to understand that Finn and Rey genuinely _do_ get along like very few people can, after all.

She takes a seat in the lecture hall and pulls her books out before checking her phone one last time. She unconsciously grins when she realizes there’s a new Facebook notification, and immediately unlocks her phone to read it.

_Kylo Ren [7:42 AM]: Sorry! My roommate kept bugging me about his computer not working and I had to fix it for him before running off to the lab._

_Kylo Ren [7:42 AM]: But yeah, I feel like I’m not your average STEM major, even if that does sound a bit clichéed. My classmates can be a little . . . thick sometimes, but I love learning about art and literature and History. So yeah._

_Kylo Ren [7:42 AM]: I’m assuming you’re a Liberal Arts major then?_

_Rey Skywalker [7:54 AM]: It’s okay!! I was grabbing coffee with a friend anyway_

_Rey Skywalker [7:54 AM]: And yeah idk what I wanna major in just yet but I feel like I lean more towards lib arts? Not 100% sure yet though_

_Kylo Ren [7:55 AM]: That’s good. I feel like we should all learn a bit of everything, but then again that’d be counterproductive in a society that needs specialists in very different areas of knowledge._

_Kylo Ren [7:55 AM]: Okay, that was too intense — even by my standards._

Rey snorts out loud at that last text message, but quickly replies before Professor Tuesso enters the lecture hall.

_Rey Skywalker [7:56 AM]: It WAS fairly intense tbh lol. But I agree_

_Rey Skywalker [7:56 AM]: Hey Prof Tuesso’s class is about to begin — been told the guy goes absolutely feral if he sees you on your phone. Talk to you later!!_

_Kylo Ren [7:57 AM]: Sure thing — I’ve a lab session in like two minutes too. It’s been nice talking you, Rey Skywalker!_

_Rey Skywalker [7:58 AM]: :D_

She pockets her phone before Professor Tuesso can reprimand her, and even does a goofy little smile when she replays the conversation in her head. She knows it’s stupid to feel this way after talking to someone on Facebook that she’s never even met in person — it could be an old creep who happens to like college girls, or perhaps one of those frat boys that Leia has warned her about ever since she was fourteen or fifteen. He probably thinks she’s annoying or too enthusiastic about musical theatre, and he definitely mustn’t be smiling like she is when Professor Tuesso hands them their compulsory reading lists.

“Excited about the Indo-European family of languages, are we?” the forty-something professor college asks when he notices the look on Rey’s face, his eyebrows rising ever so lightly. “My classes haven’t been received with such enthusiasm since, well, newly named Doctor of Philosophy Jyn Erso decided she wanted to dedicate her life to Old English. Which I never really understood, by the way.”

Rey ducks her head awkwardly, but smiles to herself again once Professor Tuesso has moved on to Finn and pesters him about knowing his dad from this days working with Professor Solo. Her friend nods with a confused look in his eyes, and Rey has to hold stifle a laugh before it escapes her lips and makes Professor Tuesso reprimand her with that thick English accent that he has.

She really _is_ enjoying college so far, she thinks to herself as she and Finn share an amused glance before the class begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i totally just gave myself away as a musical theatre enthusiast but oh well. hope y'all enjoyed this one! please lmk what you think <3


	3. maybe we can find a place to feel good

_ Kylo Ren [9:55 PM]: How’s your day been? _

_ Kylo Ren [9:55 PM]: Mine’s been an absolute  _ nightmare _. My (male) roommate won’t stop complaining about my (female) roommate’s period lasting longer than two days and claiming that she’s always “a dickhead” (sic.) to him because of it. _

_ Kylo Ren [9:56 PM]: Needless to say, I ate dinner alone in my bedroom and watched a bit of that Paddington film you told me about on Netflix. It wasn’t too bad, but the bear was unrealistically well mannered. _

_ Kylo Ren [9:57 PM]: Anyway. Did you finish that paper on  _ King Lear _? I’d love to read it. _

Kylo’s messages never fail to bring a broad smile to Rey’s face. She has only known him and her new college friends for a month or so, but she feels like she could grow used to her new routine of classes, library hours with Finn, endless half-drunk conversations with Poe, and infinite gushing over films and musicals with Rose. But she’d be lying if she said Kylo’s messages don’t bring an itchy feeling to the bottom of her stomach like nothing else quite can — she doesn’t know what he looks like, or even what his major is, but she feels like she knows him in every other sense. She knows he likes musicals, that he’s an avid reader, and that he loves playing chess with his closest friend, who sometimes gets on his nerves but is exceptionally loyal to him at the end of the day. He was born in New York City and his parents live somewhere in the countryside — he hasn’t specified where, but he speaks fondly of his mother and a bit more curtly about his more absent father, with whom he seems to have had a rough relationship until very recently. She hasn’t told her that her foster father is the college dean, but she  _ has _ told him about her past — which is definitely saying something, because she seldom feels comfortable enough to explain the mess that her childhood was. But she likes him, and she has a feeling that he likes her, too — and that’s more than enough for now.

She’s about to reply to his text when she receives another message, this time in the ‘family’ group chat that Leia set up with her, Han, Luke, and Ben — much to the latter’s annoyance.

_ Leia: Dinner tomorrow. You kids try and make it alright? –xoLeia _

_ Ben: I’m not sure if I can make it, mom. I’ll try. _

_ Han: Kid just make an effort and come over. Drive Rey here while you’re at it. _

Rey rolls her eyes. Being stuck in Ben Solo’s car is far from her ideal Friday night plan, but then again she really does feel like catching up with Han and Leia and telling them all about her college experience thus far.

_ Rey: It’s okay Han! I can drive there by myself if Ben can’t make it _

_ Han: No offense kid, but that wasn’t a question. My son’s coming over and he’s bringing you with him. _

_ Ben: … Dad, I’m twenty-one. You’re not supposed to tell me what to do anymore. _

_ Han: Don’t piss me off, kid. Bring kid 2 over for dinner and be nice. That’s the end of it. _

_ Leia: I’ll make a special dessert for you two! –xoLeia _

She can’t help but groan out loud when she realizes she’s probably going to have to text Ben about meeting up later, but she pushes the thought aside for a few minutes and logs into her Facebook instead.

_ Rey Skywalker [10:02 PM]: Today’s been good!! Spent the afternoon @ the library w Finn working on my King Lear paper. It’s done btw! I’ll send it to u later _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:03 PM]: Your (male) roommate does sound like a bit of a dickhead tbh. I myself am gonna have to deal with a major dickhead tomorrow so wish me luck with that lol _

_ Kylo Ren [10:04 PM]: Why so? _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:04 PM]: Why what _

_ Kylo Ren [10:05 PM]: Why are you dealing with a major dickhead tomorrow? _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:06 PM]: Ohhh it’s nothing really. I’m visiting my foster dad’s family and his nephew is a total asshole lmao plus he’s supposed to drive me there from college and I honestly can’t think of the last time we were alone together? It’s gonna be super awk _

_ Kylo Ren [10:07 PM]: Oh. _

_ Kylo Ren [10:08 PM]: You two don’t get along? _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:08 PM]: Nah lmao I tried being friendly to him when we were little but he kept ignoring me and now we just sort of ignore each other whenever we’re stuck together I guess _

_ Kylo Ren [10:09 PM]: I’m sure he’s not that bad. Perhaps you two have more in common than you think. _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:10 PM]: Nah I don’t think so lol he’s too stuck up and focused on his science stuff to really care about anything else I think _

_ Kylo Ren [10:11 PM]: I don’t know. Perhaps he’s changed? _

_ Kylo Ren [10:12 PM]: Anyway — I have a paper due tomorrow evening, so I should probably focus on that now. Good night, Rey. _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:14 PM]: Sure! Good luck with that + good night  _ _ :D _

Rey suddenly finds herself frowning at her phone screen. She never really says ‘good night’ to Kylo — they just sort of text through the day and get back to their previous conversation if one of them falls asleep or is too busy to answer. It feels abrupt and a little strange, but she supposes he does need his own space too — after all, he must have a life of his own, even if they’ve been texting nonstop for the past month or so.

She groans and places her phone on her bedside table before curling up into a ball. Rose is going out with her classmates tonight, and Poe and Finn are still at the library working on some essays that they’re supposed to hand in in the next few days — she’s done with hers, so she reckons she should get some rest before the fateful dinner at the Solo-Organas’. She loves Leia and Han and adores the idea of meeting up with them, but the sole thought of having to talk to Ben makes her cringe — she luckily hasn’t seen him ever since that first day at school, because she tends to steer clear from the Physics building and hardly leaves campus on weekdays, but she knows she will probably need tons of moral support from Kylo if she wants to make it to Han and Leia’s alive.

She can’t help but let a loud sigh out when she sees the text that she has just received.

_ Ben: I’ll pick you up at 6:30. Don’t be late. _

God, she really  _ does _ feel like strangling him right now.

_ Rey: Sure. I’ll be at the parking lot right in front of the library. _

She’s never this dry while texting, but Ben Solo-Organa somehow manages to get on her nerves every single time. She even snorts quietly when she realizes he’s left her on read, and holds back the urge to snap a screenshot of it and send it to the group chat or Kylo. There  _ was _ something off with him when she told him about Ben, though — Rey has only just begun to consider the possibility of the two of them knowing each other, with both being STEM majors and juniors. But she quickly shrugs it off — Ben isn’t exactly the  _ friendly _ type, and Kylo sounds like he’d never get along with him, not in a million years. He’s just too  _ nice _ for that.

She leans back on her bed, staring at the ceiling as she quietly wonders if she’ll ever get to have dinner with Kylo’s parents instead of Ben’s.

•••

She’s ready by quarter past six, and she decides to wait downstairs in case Ben gets there early — he might be an awfully flawed human being, but Rey knows he’s  _ never _ late, not even to pick her up for dinner at his parents’. Luke called her earlier and told her he’d be running a little late, so the two of them would be stuck with Han’s endless rambling about his latest archaeological discovery and Leia’s kind but insistent comments on how they should help themselves to more stuffed pork and baked beans, with Ben silently groaning about not being a kid anymore. She knows exactly how it’s going to go because she’s been in this exact same situation every time she’s been to the Solo-Organa household for dinner over the past few years, and she can’t help but feel that there’s something both exhausting and stimulating about it.

And of course, his car is parked right in front of her at 6:30 PM sharp. He’s wearing a button-up checkered shirt and dark sunglasses, which makes her roll her eyes before opening the front door — she has always found his attempts at seeming cooler than he actually is somewhat annoying, but it feels all the more frustrating when she realizes that he’s only doing it to show off in front of her.

“Hey,” she says as she takes a seat and buckles her seatbelt. Her phone is resting on her lap and, although she  _ really _ feels like picking it up and texting Kylo right now, she quietly decides against it for the sake of politeness.

“Hey.” Ben echoes. His hands are on the steering wheel and his feet are quietly drumming against the pedals, but his eyes briefly glance towards her before adding, “You all right?”

Rey feels only slightly surprised by his last question, because she isn’t really used to Ben Solo-Organa actually  _ caring _ about her well-being. “I, uh. Yes, I’m fine. Should we get going?”

Ben’s grip on the steering wheel is unusually tight, and his hands are perhaps a bit too sweaty, but she gathers it’s got to do with the fact that it’s eighty-five degrees outside. “Sure. Let’s get going.”

The first few minutes of their journey aren’t too bad — the small talk is surprisingly bearable, and Ben curtly tells her about his new project as an associate researcher in the Astrophysics Department, where he’ll hopefully get a full-time job once he graduates next year and decides whether he wants to pursue a PhD or not. She briefly tells him about her first classes and how she feels about them, and the idea of Ben Solo actually listening to what she’s got to say for once does make her feel quite well.

“You got Tuesso, right?” He asks right before parking his car. “Armie Hux used to hate him, but I enjoyed his classes quite a bit.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard he’s not that bad after all,” Rey agrees, her mind drifting back to Kylo for a second. She’ll have to fill him in on her encounter with Ben, and perhaps even admit to him that Han and Leia’s son has been acting somewhat nicer to her for the past half hour or so. But a decent conversation isn’t going to change the way she feels about someone who pestered her all through her late childhood and taunted her as a young teenager, because she  _ simply _ doesn’t care for bullies. And that’s what Ben has always been to her — a big, ridiculously tall bully.

She checks her phone once they exit the car, feeling only slightly crestfallen when she realizes that Kylo hasn’t texted her. She tells herself that it’s perfectly normal for him to need some space and silently reproaches herself for worrying so much about a boy that she’s never even met, but there’s something about the way their last conversation ended that makes her feel as though everything’s been a little weird with him as of lately. She takes a deep breath, opens the Facebook app and, before she can think it twice, opens her only recent chat and types a new message.

_ Rey Skywalker [7:02 PM]: Whaddup bro! _

_ Rey Skywalker [7:02 PM]: Ya wouldn't believe who I’ve been hanging out with for the past thirty minutes or so lmao _

She instantly feels a little foolish and considers the possibility of deleting both messages, but she ends up pocketing her phone and looking up at Ben, who happens to be on his phone, too. She considers teasing him about it, but finally opts against it — he might have been civil to her earlier, but that doesn’t mean he  _ likes  _ her all of a sudden.

The Solo-Organa house smells of baked potatoes, old books and freshly mowed lawn, and Rey loves every single detail about it. It almost feels like home to her now — she’s come for dinner every other weekend ever since she was ten years old, and she’s practically memorized every single detail in it by now. Leia’s plants are awfully well-kept, and Han’s antiquities are practically everywhere — there’s something about Ben’s parents that has always fascinated her, and she can’t help but feel just a little bit more at ease with everything when Leia walks up to them and envelops them both in a tight hug.

“Mom!” Ben protests, in an almost squeamish voice. “We’re not  _ kids _ anymore.”

“A mother can still hug her son no matter how old he is,” Leia counters, a pleased smile on her face. When she finally lets go of the two of them, she cups Rey’s face with her hands and smiles. “How’s college treating you so far, sweetie?”

Rey grins. Nobody used to call her  _ sweetie _ before she met Leia Organa, and there’s something terribly endearing about the way her voice naturally inflicts while addressing her.

“It’s been really good, actually,” she replies sincerely. “My classes have been great so far, and living on campus is pretty fun.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Han chuckles behind her, squeezing his son’s shoulder with an amused smile (which obviously makes Ben roll his eyes, too). The sixty-year-old Archaeology professor gives her a gentle pat on the back and smiles. “You made any friends already?”

“Yup, kind of,” she shrugs. “My roommate’s super nice, and we usually hang out with these two boys from our college dorm . . . one of them is a student of yours, Leia, actually. Poe Dameron?”

“Oh, yes!” Leia replies brightly. “Dameron’s an exceptionally bright student.”

“And a pretty annoying one, too,” Ben grumbles. When his parents shoot a glance towards him, he simply shrugs and averts his eyes. “What? He was in my Intro to Linguistics class. He used to take the piss off Professor Tuesso.”

“He’s a bit of a hothead,” Leia agrees, “But he also happens to be one of my most promising research assistants.”

Ben quietly rolls his eyes and shuffles into the living room. Rey knows he’s always been like this — jealous, dry, perhaps a little too thick at times — but it annoys her to think that he holds her new friend in such little regard. She quietly crosses her arms and casts her eyes down to the ground, only to feel Han’s gentle touch on her shoulder a second later.

“Don’t be too hard on him,” he suggests. “He can be a little . . . difficult, but he means well. Most of the time, at least.”

“He does,” Leia agrees quietly, then speaks up again, “Dinner’s almost ready! Will you kids help me prepare the table for the five of us? Luke will be here anytime. Are you kids hungry?”

And, in spite of everything, Rey offers her a bright smile and nods — because Leia and Han and their house genuinely feels like  _ home _ to her, and she’s never letting that go. “I’m  _ starving _ .”

•••

Leia’s cooking isn’t particularly exquisite, but her pulled pork and mashed potatoes has always been one of Rey’s favorite dishes. Dinner goes by in a blur of jokes, kind reprimands from Leia to Luke when he shows up half an hour late, and silent eyerolls from Ben, who keeps checking his phone every now and then for some reason Rey can’t really understand. She has completely forgotten about hers, and only unlocks it once the table has been cleared and Han has poured himself a glass of scotch while Leia and Luke discuss an old childhood memory. She takes a seat on the sofa and grins at her screen when she reads the text message that Kylo sent her a while ago.

_ Kylo Ren [8:02 PM]: How did dinner with that abhorrent monster of yours go? _

_ Rey Skywalker [8:46 PM]: lmaooo thought u said i shouldn't be that hard on him?? _

She glances up, just to make sure that Ben is nowhere near her — and he isn’t, because he’s sitting right in front of her while relentlessly typing something on his phone.

_ Kylo Ren [8:46 PM]: I mean. Yeah. I don’t know, I just hope you had a good time. _

_ Rey Skywalker [8:47 PM]: Well I did. Thanks for checking in btw :) _

_ Kylo Ren [8:47 PM]: No problem. Glad to hear you weren’t hanging out with, I don’t know, Javert’s American counterpart. _

_ Rey Skywalker [8:48 PM]: Trust me, I think Javert would be a lot less cryptic than Ben lol but he’s been surprisingly civil today for some reason _

_ Kylo Ren [8:49 PM]: I don’t know. People change, Rey. Even Javert ended up admitting that. _

She frowns and quietly looks up from her phone. Kylo seems genuinely interested in making her tolerate Ben — and, while it does flatter her to think that he’s worrying about her well-being, she isn’t quite sure why he’s suddenly  _ so _ interested in reversing an entire decade of mutual disregard between the two of them.

_ Rey Skywalker [8:50 PM]: Well yeah I guess? I don’t know — it’s always been a little complicated between us. _

_ Kylo Ren [8:51 PM]: I get that. _

_ Kylo Ren [8:52 PM]: Oh, by the way — your  _ King Lear _ essay was totally awesome. Loved that bit about Edgar being morally repressed. :) _

_ Rey Skywalker [8:53 PM]: Did you… just use… an EMOJI _

_ Kylo Ren [8:53 PM]: … _

_ Kylo Ren [8:54 PM]: Apparently I did. You’re making me question a lot of things as of lately, Miss Die-Hard-Les-Mis-Stan. _

She chuckles unconsciously, and she’s so caught up in the conversation that she doesn’t notice that Ben has just let the most gentle of chuckles out, too.

“What’s up with you two?” asks Leia, eyeing them both curiously. “I thought you’d be on your way back by now.”

“I, er, sorry, Mom.” Ben immediately pockets his phone and briefly glances towards Rey before adding, “You’re right, though — I think we should head back.”

“Hm, yes.” Rey, looking quite distracted, nods and even offers Ben a half-smile before standing up. “It’s been a lovely evening, Leia. Thanks.”

“You know you’re always welcome here, right?” The woman replies before pinching her cheek lightly. “Han and I love having you around — and so does Ben, even if he’ll never admit it in front of you.”

The young man’s ears have turned a bright pink by the time Rey glances back at him. “ _ Mom _ .”

“What? It’s true,” Leia shrugs, and offers her son a mischievous wink before adding, “Have a good week, sweethearts.”

“Thank you,” Rey smiles brightly and, unaware of the uneasy look in Ben’s eyes, hugs his mother tightly and allows herself to relish on the warmth of the woman’s body against hers. 

She only lets go of her when Ben coughs a little too loudly, and laughs at the way Leia just snorts and kisses her son’s forehead before offering him his jacket. She sees them to the door, where she gives her son a warm hug — which makes Ben snort just like she had a few minutes earlier — before waving them goodbye.

The journey back is quiet, but also surprisingly comfortable. Ben quietly hums to the songs on the radio, and she even smiles a little while thinking back to her conversation with Kylo. She even unlocks her phone and scrolls up just to make sure it actually  _ did _ happen — and when she’s certain it has, she quietly texts him a reply.

_ Rey Skywalker [9:32 PM]: Same here, Mr. Internet Stranger. I quite like you, to be honest. _

_ Rey Skywalker [9:33 PM]: Hopefully we’ll stop being irl strangers soon and meet up for coffee sometime? _

Her heart is beating just a little bit faster by the time she sends the last text, and she can’t help but check her phone several times before they get to their building — Kylo doesn’t reply, but she assumes he’s probably busy finishing the essay that was due that night or hanging out with his friends. She distractedly re-reads one of their old conversations, and before she can realize it they’re already back at her dorm.

“We’re here,” Ben says, his tone as curt as always. However, he does offer her something like a smile before meekly adding, “Good night, Rey.”

“Good night, Ben,” she replies — and, feeling uplifted by the joy of what this evening has been, she even gives his hand a gentle squeeze before getting out of the car, which leaves Ben looking startled but nonetheless pleased.

She sees him off with a half-smile, and silently makes her way upstairs, feeling giddy from having spent the evening with three of his favorite people and having exchanged texts with Kylo again. Rose isn’t back yet, so she simply lurches onto her bed and looks up at the ceiling until her phone buzzes a few minutes later.

_ Kylo Ren [9:55 PM]: That’d be great. _

_ Kylo Ren [9:55 PM]: I really like you, too. _

_ Kylo Ren [9:56 PM]: :) _

_ Kylo Ren [9:56 PM]: (Adding an emoji in case it makes you like me more) _

_ Kylo Ren [9:56 PM]: (This isn’t weird, right? I’d hate to make it weird.) _

Rey can’t help but giggle — which is surprising, because she’d never thought of herself as the kind of girl who  _ giggles _ — before texting him back.

_ Rey Skywalker [9:57 PM]: I already liked you before you started using emojis, but now I’m going all heart eyes emoji on you!!! _

_ Rey Skywalker [9:58 PM]: (And it’s not weird — I really like you too, which is strange because I don’t even know what you look like) _

_ Kylo Ren [9:59 PM]: Well I know what  _ you _ look like. And let’s just say I like you for who you are, but the looks are  _ really _ pleasing too. _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:01 PM]: … Dude, I’m literally blushing right now. And I don’t blush! _

_ Kylo Ren [10:02 PM]: You don’t? Is that statistically or scientifically proven? _

_ Kylo Ren [10:03 PM]: :) _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:03 PM]: Stop it with the emojis, you’re seriously freaking me out now _

_ Kylo Ren [10:04 PM]: Why so? :) _

_ Kylo Ren [10:04 PM]: :))))) _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:05 PM]: STOP _

_ Kylo Ren [10:06 PM]: :D :) :] _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:06 PM]: I’m seriously gonna block you if you don’t stop right now _

_ Kylo Ren [10:07 PM]: All right. I’ll go back to my dry self then. _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:08 PM]: That’s the Kylo I know and love _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:08 PM]: (Figuratively speaking!!!! please don’t freak out!!!!) _

_ Kylo Ren [10:10 PM]: Gotchu. _

_ Kylo Ren [10:11 PM]: (Can’t help but hope that’ll change someday, though.) _

And she smiles into her pillow, her chest beating just a little bit faster at the sole idea of  _ loving _ someone in a romantic way. Because she loves Luke, Leia, and Han, and she loves her college friends too. But the idea of falling in love — especially with someone she feels so comfortable with — does seem quite appealing right now.

_ Rey Skywalker [10:12 PM]: (Perhaps it will, someday) _

_ Kylo Ren [10:12 PM]: Am I allowed to use an emoji now? _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:13 PM]: … Alright _

_ Kylo Ren [10:14 PM]: ^_^ _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:14 PM]: … What are you, thirteen? _

_ Kylo Ren [10:15 PM]: And a half, actually! I’ll be fourteen in March. _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:16 PM]: Ughhhh I HATE you _

_ Kylo Ren [10:17 PM]: :( _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:17 PM]: DON’T GO ALL :( ON ME YOU LITTLE SHIT _

_ Kylo Ren [10:18 PM]: Wow, that escalated quickly. _

_ Kylo Ren [10:18 PM]: As much as I love being insulted by you, I probably should log off now — I’ve an essay due in an hour and a half and I haven’t been able to work on it today. But it’s been great talking to you. _

_ Rey Skywalker [10:19 PM]: Sure! I think I’m gonna head to bed now. Gnight! :) _

_ Kylo Ren [10:20 PM]: :) _

She feels ridiculous, and knows that her friends will probably tell her she’s insane, but she can’t help but clutch her phone against her chest once Kylo has logged off, a broad smile plastered on her face. Because the idea of liking someone and being liked by them in return has always felt awfully remote to her, and she can’t quite believe it’s happening right now, even if she doesn’t quite know who exactly hides behind the enigmatic but nonetheless attractive figure that Kylo Ren is.

When Rose comes back from hanging out with her sister she finds Rey fast asleep, with a broad, peaceful smile on her face.


	4. why does the sun shine, baby?

**_TED CRUZ IS THE SPOOKY ZODIAC KILLER 2k20_ **

_four members, created 8/29/2019_

_roseschuyler: WELP. I totally just failed my Organic Chemistry midterm_

_finncalrissian: dude come on i’m sure it wasn’t that bad!!!_

_poedameronzz: ROSE NO. WE DIDNT STAY UP TIL 3 AM YESTERDAY FOR YOU TO BE LIKE THIS NOW_

_barricaderey: give her a break chem sucks!!!!_

_poedameronzz: NO IT DOESNT_

_finncalrissian: it does bro get over it_

_poedameronzz: im unfriending you all. chem is my new best friend_

_roseschuyler: well u can keep her lol. can we like go grab coffee or something?? i really dont feel like going back to the library rn even though i should lmao_

_barricaderey: ill be at alderaan cafe in 5!! meet u there <3_

_finncalrissian: me too!_

_poedameronzz: me too kween <3 <3 <3 <3_

_finncalrissian: LMAO_

_poedameronzz: love u too pumpkin!!_

Rey has always loved the way every single tree in Yavin College turns a brownish orange by the end of October. She loves wearing her big, bright red Doc Martens, and she loves her scarves and long jeans and fall jackets. This year she also happens to love teasing Rose about how she keeps complaining about the weather — she’s always going on about how she can’t wait to go home for Thanksgiving just to “remember what seeing the sun feels like”, but the truth is that Rey can’t quite imagine what a warm, mild fall must feel like. She has always loved living in upstate New York precisely because of how the weather changes so swiftly from one day to another — at the end of the day, the sight of fallen leaves, fluffy jackets and carved pumpkins makes her feel at home like nothing else quite can.

She and Finn decide to call it a day and pack their things shortly after Rose’s last message. The two of them have been studying incessantly for their Intro to Linguistics midterm, and Rey isn’t quite capable of conceiving what life felt like before midterms by now.

“I swear to God I’m gonna kill Tuesso if he goes all ape-shit crazy about forensic linguistics again,” Finn mumbles. “I don’t even know why I’m taking his class.”

“Because you’re a Liberal Arts major, and you _love_ learning all that weird shit in spite of everything,” Rey counters, nudging him with a smile as they leave the library. “But yeah, I hope he isn’t too hard on us too.”

Finn just sighs and tucks his hand inside his pockets. “It’s still the bane of my existence as of right now, though.”

Rey laughs and takes off her hat when they step into Alderaan Café. The place is crammed with students who are taking short breaks from studying at the library, so they decide to wait in line until Rose and Poe arrive. Rey briefly checks her phone, but no one’s texted her since Rose came moaning to them about her midterm — Luke and Leia have both been pretty busy as of lately, and Kylo told her earlier that he would probably be stuck in the Physics building all day, so she simply pockets her phone again and sighs as she leans on Finn’s shoulder.

“How’s everything with Poe?” she asks.

“Oh, you know,” Finn shrugs. “He’s totally oblivious to me having a crush on him, but it’s still nice to get to see him in his underwear every now and then. The dude’s just _careless_ about it.”

“Yeah, that _definitely_ doesn’t come as a surprise,” Rey laughs. “But hey, don’t worry — at least you’re friends, right? That makes everything a million times easier already.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know,” Finn shrugs, shaking his head a little. “How’s everything with that mysterious Facebook dude, anyway? You still texting him?”

“Hm, yeah,” she replies, trying to hide the smile that plays on her face. “He’s . . . he’s really sweet, actually. We haven’t actually met yet, though. Hopefully . . .”

“Hopefully what?” Rey is cut off by a loud voice that she has gotten to know all too well over the past few weeks, and next thing she knows her shoulders are being enveloped by one of Poe’s strong arms. “How’s everything, kid?”

“Don’t call me that,” she protests, an amused expression on her face. “It’s nothing. Finn and I were just talking about how fucked up Tuesso’s classes can be.”

“Oh, they are,” Poe laughs, ruffling Finn’s hair with an amused expression. “But you’ll be fine, I promise. And so will Rose. Over-obsessing about half of your school life is just part of being a freshman.”

“Whatever you say, old man,” Rey says, nudging him with a half-smile.

Rose gets to the cafeteria only a couple of minutes later, and hugs each of her friends tightly before letting out a deep sigh and complaining again about Professor Pryde’s insufferable classes and how he’s pretty much decided to make their lives miserable for some reason she can’t quite understand.

“C’mon, Rosey, I’m sure it wasn’t half as bad as you think it was,” Finn says while Poe places their order.

“But it _was_ awful,” Rose moans before burying her face in Rey’s shoulder. “Monty Kin and Kay Connix totally felt the same way about it. Professor Pryde is just . . . agh, I don’t know.”

“He’s a dickhead,” Poe asserts, squeezing a very bereaved Rose’s shoulder once he’s done. “Don’t worry, all right? We’ve all been there. You’ll figure him out eventually.”

“But what if I don’t?” Rose groans. “What if I fail his class and never get past my freshman year? My parents would _kill_ me. I might as well, I don’t know, flunk out of college and get knocked up by a random truck driver.”

“Weirdly specific, but okay,” laughs Finn. When their order is ready, the boy takes their tray to a four-seat table and offers Rose a kind smile. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Plus it’s just one of your core classes, right? You’re not really planning on majoring in it, so it’s alright if your grades are a little lower than usual.”

“I guess,” Rose murmurs, albeit a little miserably. She warms her hands with her coffee cup before adding; “I did get to bond with a couple of my classmates over our mutual hatred of Professor Pryde, though.”

“See! Always look on the bright side of things,” Poe nods. He then eyes Rey curiously, unsure of what the half-serious expression on the girl’s face means. “ And what’ve you been up to lately, Skywalker?”

Rey blinks several times before replying. “Oh, nothing much. Went over for dinner at the Solo-Organas’ the other day, then spent the weekend stuck in the library like the rest of you lot.”

“I know, I was there with you most of the time,” Poe laughs. “But I mean what _are_ you up to, if that makes sense.”

“No, Dameron, it doesn’t,” she chuckles before taking a sip from her cup and laughs at the expression on Poe’s face. “We literally live nextdoor, I don’t think there’s anything noteworthy that I haven’t told you of yet.”

“Except for that mysterious Facebook guy that you keep texting with,” Rose chimes in, a mischievous smile playing on her lips.

“The what now?” Poe repeats; he then leans over, resting his chin on his knuckles and batting his eyelashes at Rey and adding in an unusually high voice, “Oh-em-gee, girl! Who _is_ this guy?”

“Poe, stop!” Rey laughs, swatting her friend’s arm playfully. Her cheeks have turned a light pink, which does not pass unnoticed to Rose and Finn. “It’s just that kid from the college Facebook page. We’ve been texting for a bit, but that’s it.”

“Oh, come _on_ — it’s obvious that you like him,” Rose teases. “You haven’t met up with him yet though, have you?”

“Nope, not yet.” Rey shrugs, trying not to look too bothered about it — she _has_ hinted at the possibility of them meeting up once or twice, but Kylo has always managed to sneak his way out of it by telling her how busy he is with his classes and lab hours.

“How can you know if you like him, then?” Poe asks. “I mean, sure, you _can_ like someone’s personality from texting them — but what’re you gonna do if you don’t like him _in real life_? And I’m not trying to be shallow — you gotta like him physically, sure, but I’m talking about the chemistry that might or might not flow between you two once you meet up with him.”

“Please don’t talk about chemistry right now,” Rose moans, covering her face with her hands.

“I mean, I know you’re right,” Rey reckons as she gently pats Rose’s shoulder. “I don’t know if I’m gonna like him once we meet up, and I definitely don’t consider him my boyfriend or anything like that. I just . . . well, happen to like him, that’s all.”

Poe’s expression turns into one of his cheekier, nicer half-smiles. “All right. Just let us know when you’ve set a date to meet him, all right?”

“Sure, Dad,” Rey scoffs, but smiles nevertheless. “You’re such a . . .”

She freezes mid-sentence when she realizes who’s sitting at the table right next to theirs. He’s wearing his round, work glasses, with greyish eye bags under his eyes, and he looks as though he hasn’t shaved for the past couple of days, but she’s seen him like this before — every single time he went back to his parents’ during midterms season, at least. She awkwardly observes him from their own table, sipping her coffee every now and then, until Ben Solo-Organa looks up from his laptop and his eyes meet hers.

“Dude, what . . .” Finn elbows her, but stops on his tracks when he realizes what’s going on. “Oh. It’s _that_ kid, isn’t it?”

“Yup, it’s _that_ kid.” Poe scoffs quietly, and averts his gaze before Ben can spot him next to Rey. The boy, however, seems all too interested in Rey herself to notice what’s going on around them.

Rey awkwardly waves at him, and Ben does something like a smile before quietly waving back and lowering his gaze again.

“I thought you two didn’t get along?” Rose whispers.

“We didn’t,” Rey shrugs. “He’s just . . . I don’t know. Perhaps he’s changed?”

“I didn’t think people like Ben Solo could _change_ ,” Poe grumbles, shaking his head a little.

“C’mon, cut the guy some slack,” Finn says. “If Rey here says he’s changed . . . well, he might as well have.”

“Yeah, that’s what Kylo told me.” Rey shrugs, her cheeks the lightest shade of pink.

“ _That’s what Kylo told me_.” Poe mimmicks, perhaps a bit too loudly, then gives Rey’s shoulder a gentle pat before adding, “You really _are_ quite smitten with him, aren’t you?”

Her cheeks have turned a darker shade of red by now, but she somehow manages to shrug her shoulders and reply, “I really like him, yes — but if you _don’t_ shut up about it right now I’m going to tell everyone in this goddamn café about how you got so pissed last week that you nearly drunk-texted that Zorii kid that you used to date in high school.”

And Rey can’t see it because she’s too caught up in the way her three friends have collectively burst into laughter, but there’s a broad smile on Ben’s lips (and it has nothing to do with the paper that he’s currently typing).

•••

She’s lying in bed when Kylo’s first text of the day arrives, and she can barely hold a grin back when she reads his name in her Facebook notifications.

_Kylo Ren [10:55 PM]: Hey. Had a good day?_

_Rey Skywalker [10:56 PM]: Yup! Hung out w/ my friends after class. You? :)_

_Kylo Ren [10:57 PM]: It was all right, I guess. I worked on this paper that I’m supposed to hand in next week._

_Kylo Ren [10:57 PM]: So I was thinking — do you think we could meet up after midterms?_

_Rey Skywalker [10:58 PM]: !!!!!!!_

_Rey Skywalker [10:58 PM]: ARE U FOR REAL_

_Rey Skywalker [10:59 PM]: Would Friday work for you???_

_Kylo Ren [11:00 PM]: Sure, Friday’s great._

_Kylo Ren [11:00 PM]: I just really want to make sure you’re not going to freak out about me not being the person you’d expected, though._

_Rey Skywalker [11:00 PM]: Dude don’t worry it’s gonna be totally fine_

_Rey Skywalker [11:01 PM]: I mean unless you’re like the Zodiac killer or something like that_

_Kylo Ren [11:05 PM]: I don’t know. I’m a little nervous, to be honest._

_Rey Skywalker [11:06 PM]: Well don’t be. See you Friday aight? Let’s meet up at Alderaan Café around four?_

_Kylo Ren [11:07 PM]: All right. See you there, then._

_Rey Skywalker [11:08 PM]: <3_

There’s a full grin on her face when Rose comes back from her shower, and her friend eyes her curiously before changing into her pajamas.

“What’s up with you?” she questions, her eyebrows rising several times with an amused expression.

“Oh, nothing,” Rey says, trying not to look too thrilled about the conversation that has just taken place. “I’m meeting up with Kylo on Friday, that’s all.”

“Are you serious now?” Rose grins. “Dude, this is so exciting! Don’t forget to send me your live location or something, though — just in case he turns out to be a serial killer or a total psycho.”

“All right, I’ll text you all the way through it,” Rey laughs. She’s incapable of hiding the excitement in her voice by now — she is _meeting up_ with this boy that she has slowly fallen for without even knowing who he really is, and the feelings that are bubbling up in her chest are all positive instead of the usual anxiety that usually comes along with finding herself in completely new situations. She’s feeling excited, nervous (in a good way) and, more than anything else, _impatient_.

That is precisely why she goes to bed with an ample grin on her face, her heart beating only a little faster at the prospect of meeting up with the mysterious boy who likes musicals and mystery novels and snowy days.

(And, most importantly, _her_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year to you all! <3


	5. i lied to your face in the summer

To say that Rey is feeling nervous about her coffee date with Kylo would _definitely_ be an understatement.

She has been trying to figure out how to approach their meeting for the past few days — Rose and Finn suggested that she should keep it casual, whereas Poe thought she should go for a more daring approach to her _very first date, ever_. She does feel as though she doesn’t need to impress Kylo, so she ends up going for one of her usual outfits and even takes her Les Mis tote bag with her — she knows he’ll appreciate the detail, after all.

And now she’s on her way to Alderaan Café, after practically being pushed out the door by a very supportive — but nevertheless tired of her bullshit, as she had not-so-gently put it — Rose.

“Stay calm,” she mutters to herself while tousling her hair. “It’s gonna be _fine_. It’s gonna be fine and he’s going to be super nice and super handsome and super nerdy and you’ll stop worrying about this as soon as he walks into the café.”

She takes a deep breath and reminds herself of what Luke her before she left home for college — to be herself and trust her instincts. It has worked so far, she reckons — she has managed to make a solid group of friends and bond with a few of her classmates, and even _Ben_ is now acting somewhat friendly around her. Kylo likes her for who she is, and he already knows what she looks like from all her Facebook pictures — if anything, _he_ ’s the one who should be concerned about what Rey may think when she sees him. But she isn’t a shallow girl, and she doesn’t really care all that much about his appearance anymore — like Poe said, she just want to make sure there’s a certain chemistry between the two of them when the time comes.

She gets to the café a little early, so she gets in line and orders a latte while she waits for Kylo. He told her he had an afternoon class before meeting up with her, so chances are he’s either going to get there strictly on time or slightly late — which is all right with her, because she doesn’t mind sitting on her own for a bit before he arrives.

She’s sitting with her coffee and the book she’s currently reading — a Paul Auster novel that Finn lent her earlier that week — when she spots a familiar face entering the café.

“Hey.”

She frowns, lowering her book. She has seen him here before, alone or with his friends and roommates, but he has never walked up to say hello before.

“Hey, Ben,” she replies, closing her book. In spite of the nervous ache biting at the bottom of her stomach, she manages an acknowledging smile and tilts her head lightly. “What’re you doing here?”

“I, uh, just grabbing some coffee,” he replies, motioning towards the counter. “You?”

“I’m meeting someone,” she replies, trying not to sound too curt about it — her relationship with Ben might have been a rather strained one, but she’s been enjoying the idea of them becoming closer as of lately. “They’re running a little late, but they should be here anytime.”

“That’s . . . good.” There’s a slightly clueless edge to Ben’s words, which Rey can’t really understand. “I’m . . . I’ll go get some coffee. Is it all right if I stay over until your friend arrives?”

“Sure.” Rey’s eyebrows rise in surprise as Ben offers her a smile and saunters off to order his coffee. She appreciates the idea of having a civil relationship with him — but she had _never_ imagined he would want to sit with her in public, least of all surrounded by their classmates and friends.

He comes back a couple of minutes later, with a large cappuccino and a chocolate croissant. Rey checks her phone before greeting him again, feeling somewhat disappointed when she realizes Kylo is already fifteen minutes late to their date.

“So, how’re your midterms going so far?” She asks once he has taken a seat in front of her.

“Oh, you know,” he shrugs — which in Ben language means he has totally aced them so far, she notes. “I’m working on more practical stuff now, so it’s mostly a bunch of lab reports and papers that I need to hand in before midterms are over. But it hasn’t been too bad so far — it’s interesting, and stimulating, I guess.”

“Well, you know what they say — as long as it’s _stimulating_ ,” Rey teases. She fears he might take it the wrong way, but the boy just laughs softly and nods in agreement — she can’t really recall having such a close conversation with Ben before, which does make her feel a little bit better about Kylo running late to their date.

“How’s college going for you?” He questions then, before taking a bite off his croissant.

“All right, I guess,” she shrugs — not unlike he did only a few seconds earlier. “I’ve made a small group of friends, and my classes are going really well so far. Intro to Linguistics is cool but also sort of scary, though.”

“Ah, good old Professor Tuesso,” Ben chuckles. “He’s not that bad, you know. I think you’ll like him in the end.”

“Do you?” There’s an amused smile on Rey’s lips, and she quickly finds herself countering, “No offense, but you’ve never struck me as a guy who _cared_ about arts and languages and culture all that much, Ben.”

“Ouch.” He grimaces ever so lightly, but waves Rey’s apology off with a more amused gesture. “Nah, don’t worry. I get that I’ve never been exactly _open_ about my hobbies, least of all with you. But I did enjoy Intro to Linguistics, and I do like art and History and literature. I’ve read pretty much all of my dad’s books, actually.”

“Really?” Rey can’t help but feel a little surprised — and impressed — by Ben’s words. She has never thought of him as a reader, and it’s hard for her to imagine him cradling one of Professor Solo’s thick Archaeology books between his arms. But the idea of Ben reading his father’s books is also inexplicably endearing to her, so she just offers him a bright smile before taking another sip from her coffee. “That’s great. He lent me one on Ancient China that totally changed my life.”

“Yup, that one’s _really_ good,” he agrees, and there’s a gleam to his eyes that suggests that he’s feeling more than comfortable around her right now. “You’re taking Contemporary History next semester, aren’t you? I’ll lend you a couple of his books then — they were _super_ useful and also really interesting back in the day.”

“Thanks, Ben.” And she really does mean it — not only because she feels grateful for his suddenly generous gesture, but also because he is making her feel a lot less awful about Kylo’s disappearance. He’s thirty minutes late now, which makes her feel only slightly worried — perhaps something has happened to him on his way to the café? She decides to text him just in case, but then shifts her attention back to Ben. “Sorry, you were saying . . . ?”

“Oh, nothing.” Ben’s forehead has crinkled in what looks like a worried gesture, and he momentarily checks his phone, as though debating with himself whether he should reply to a message he has just received or not. In the end, he pockets it again and sighs before glancing up at her. “Sorry, I . . . this must feel awfully weird to you.”

Rey frowns. “What? No.” The fact that he has been acting a lot nicer around her as of lately _is_ a little strange, she reckons, but she decides to ignore that for now. “I’m glad we’re talking. We’ve . . . well, never really done this sort of stuff before.”

“I know.” There’s almost a remnant of guilt in Ben’s voice, and he runs a hand through his hair before adding, “I just . . . weren’t you meeting up with someone? I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

Rey sighs and shakes her head, trying not to look too hurt by Kylo’s sudden silence. “Trust me, he’s nowhere to be found. He was supposed to be here half an hour ago — I texted him earlier, but he’s pretty much ghosting me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” He purses his lips and, in an almost childish gesture, offers her half of what’s left of his croissant. “You want some?”

And, although she’s feeling absolutely gutted, she can’t help but smile at Ben’s tender gesture.

•••

Hanging out with Ben turns out to be a lot more fun than she could have ever imagined. He tells her all about his lab research, and about how his roommates — Armie Hux and Chris Phasma, his two best friends from day one in college — keep bickering over every little detail concerning their apartment pretty much all day long. She learns more about him in a couple of hours than she has over the past ten years, and there is something irrevocably endearing about it — she now knows all about his favorite authors and historical periods, and that he was actually very much torn between majoring in Astrophysics or History, which has always fascinated him. He chose Astrophysics not because he held it in higher regard than History, but because he has felt fascinated by the stars for as long as he can remember, and wants to dedicate his life to getting to learn as much as he can about them. He’s applying for a research scholarship in an observatory in Chile next summer, and he has always wanted to go to Iceland or northern Norway in late June to see the northern lights with his own two eyes. She quietly listens to everything he says, interjecting every now and then with her own thoughts and opinions on certain matters, but she decides to let him talk most of the time — after all, he’s been nothing but an enigma to her over the past ten years, and the idea of finally getting to solve the puzzle that Ben Solo-Organa has always been to her _is_ more appealing than she had ever imagined.

He almost makes her feel a little less hurt by Kylo’s absence. Almost.

They have been strolling around the campus for the last hour or so, and their feet are beginning to feel a little sore, so the two of them have mutually agreed to take a seat on a bench next to the Music and Arts building. Ben is now wearing his glasses — his sight tends to get a little tired in the evenings, he explains before cleaning them with the hem of his shirt — and he _still_ hasn’t shaved that scruffy beard that has begun to grow on his cheeks, which confers him a somewhat attractive look under the dim lights of the campus streetlights.

Rey can’t _believe_ she’s actually regarding Ben Solo-Organa in terms of attractiveness — but then again, she’s doing a lot of things she had never expected to do as of lately.

She checks her phone again, just in case Kylo just woke up from the longest nap in history and has fervently apologized to her via Facebook — only to find her notifications empty aside from a couple anxious messages from Rose and Finn that she can’t bother replying to right now. She sighs and turns it off again, lowering her gaze for the briefest of moments — because, in spite of having spent a quite decent afternoon with Ben, Kylo _is_ the one she was supposed to go on a date with tonight.

“Is everything okay?” Ben asks, his tone gentle and also slightly concerned.

“Nah, it’s just that Facebook dickhead,” she sighs, shrugging her shoulders. “I genuinely thought he’d come, you know? Or that he’d at least text me some lame excuse about having fallen asleep or his roommate feeling sick or whatever. But he’s just gone MIA, and I . . . I really don’t understand why?” She gulps, averting Ben’s attentive gaze, and fidgets with her own hands in an awkward gesture. “I thought we liked each other, which is silly because I don’t even know what he looks like, but apparently he doesn’t care _that_ much after all. But I’ll be fine! I shouldn’t even feel this strongly about someone that I met on Facebook, and Luke always says I’m strong enough to handle my feelings entirely on my own, but . . .”

“I’m sorry, Rey.”

She looks up at him in confusion. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. Ben’s eyes are on his knees, and he pushes his glasses up and takes a deep breath before looking at her again. “I’m sorry this has happened.”

“Oh, no, don’t be!” She assumes the subject of Kylo is making him feel uncomfortable, and shakes her head before placing her hand on top of his. “You’ve helped me a lot tonight, Ben. I would’ve just sat there sulking if it hadn’t been for you.”

“No, you don’t understand.” And he looks all sobered up, older even; Rey wonders what is going on inside his head as he speaks. “I . . . I’m sorry, because I’ve been misleading you for the past few weeks by texting you from my Facebook side account. I really I am sorry, Rey, I thought you’d figure it out if I dropped hints about our conversations . . .”

But she isn’t listening anymore. She blinks, then purses her lips as she tries to process what Ben has just said — that he’s been _texting_ her on Facebook, when they’ve never even been friends on there before. He’s still going on about how sorry he feels and how he never wanted it to get to this, but her brain is blocking it all out, because she simply cannot process the idea that Ben seems to want to get across to her — that he and Kylo are the same person, and that he’s therefore the mysterious young man who has been hiding behind the Facebook account that she had sent a friend request to only a few weeks before.

Next thing she knows, she’s slapping him hard across the face.

“You just _sat_ there all evening watching me pick up my phone and hope you’d text me back?” There are tears in her eyes now. Not because she’s feeling offended, or even hurt, but _betrayed_ — which is a whole lot worse. “You’re . . . you’re an _asshole_.”

“Rey, please let me . . .”

“ _No_! I’m not letting you _explain_ anything.” She rubs her eyes furiously, because she’s _not_ crying in front of him, not in a million years. “So you just sat there in front of me at your parents’ and pretended to be someone else? What for? Do you _really_ need my validation so badly?”

“I never pretended to be someone else, Rey,” there’s a pleading tone in Ben’s voice by now. “I . . . I created that account ages ago because I didn’t really feel comfortable sharing stuff on our college Facebook page with my real name, and I was surprised when you sent me a friend request on there. I thought it’d be a nice way to get to talk to you because — well, we never really did much talking growing up.”

“Because you treated me like _shit_ most of the time, that’s why!” She spits back. “You ignored me, you belittled me in front of your parents, you made me feel _worthless_. And now you’ve played with my feelings and had the _audacity_ to just spend an entire evening with me pretending to be this knight in a shining armor when in reality you’re just an asshole and a _coward_.”

She realizes she’s panting and that it’s gotten quite cold all of a sudden, but she stands up and casts one last glare towards a very embarrassed Ben. “Don’t . . . don’t text me, all right? I’m blocking you on Facebook as soon as I get back to my dorm. And the only reason I’m not blocking your _real_ number is because Leia would probably notice and try to figure out what’s happened. And I _don’t_ want your parents to know about all this — because they’re too good for that.”

“She knows that I like you, Rey.” He muses, lowering his gaze. “She’s always known, I think.”

She feels something like a churn at the bottom of her stomach, but shakes her head and rubs her eyes quietly. Because she had never known what to expect from her coffee date with Kylo — but she _definitely_ didn’t picture it ending like this.

“You’re not talking your way out of this,” she whispers, feeling how her throat tightens. And she _really_ doesn’t want to cry in front of him, so she lowers her gaze and adds, “I can’t believe I thought I liked you.”

She turns around and quickly walks away before he can say anything else — but much to her relief, he doesn’t. Ben just sits there on the bench, looking awfully small for someone who is well over six feet tall; she, on the other hand, has to take in several breaths before turning around the corner, because she doesn’t want to crumble into pieces within his sight.

But she drops to the ground as soon as he’s out of sight, and cries quiet, painful sobs while burying her face in her knees. Because she feels betrayed, confused, and terribly lonely — even when she knows her friends will be waiting for her back at the dorm, and that even Luke would understand if she told him all about Kylo and Ben and their disastrous coffee date. But she doesn’t have the strength to face them right now, because she feels foolish and horribly lost after what has just happened.

So she just sits there, hugging her own knees and rubbing her tear-stained cheeks from time to time, wondering if everything will hurt a little less tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what can i say? love me some good auld drama


	6. setting fire to our insides for fun

**_SKYWALKER’S THERAPISTS :(_ **

_three members, created 11/12/2019_

_poedameronzz: aight im gonna go kill that solo kid_

_roseschuyler: can you BELIEVE it? rey came in super late and i thought she’d been idk making babies with that kylo guy until she just dropped herself onto the bed and started crying :/_

_finncalrissian: i swear i wanna kick his ass SO bad_

_finncalrissian: how come he never told her the truth before they decided to hang out though?? its just shady as fuck_

_poedameronzz: told u the guys a bastard lol_

_roseschuyler: ok but what do we do now? do we try to cheer her up or?_

_finncalrissian: DUH obviously we do. poe could u buy her her fave cupcake on your way home?_

_poedameronzz: sure baby <3_

_roseschuyler: dude you two should deffo get a room_

_poedameronzz: duh rose we already have one_

_roseschuyler: … anyway_

_roseschuyler: finn youre with her in class right? ive a seminar lecture now so i really can’t skip it – could you take her out for a walk instead of going to your next lecture? if that’s ok with you obviously_

_finncalrissian: sure!!!!_

Finn has been shooting concerned glances at Rey all morning. And it’s not like she hasn’t noticed it, but she doesn’t have the willpower to do anything about it — she’s too exhausted from all the crying and racking her brain all night, and she has barely slept because she had to tell Rose the whole story before trying to _get her shit together_ , as she had mildly put it. Her friends have been supportive and have offered to give her some space several times, but she’s adamant about acting as though nothing has happened and carrying on with her everyday life — which only makes them feel more worried about her general well-being.

The two of them leave class without saying much, but Finn quietly wraps an arm around Rey’s shoulders and hugs her close once they’re outside. The girl leans into the hug and buries her face in her friend’s shoulder, silently thanking him for simply being there.

“I _hate_ this,” she whispers. “I hate feeling bad about this and I hate caring so much about some asshole who probably doesn’t even care if he hurt my feelings at all.”

“I’m sure he does care, though,” Finn says softly. “I mean, he’s still an asshole no matter what, but I’m sure he’s feeling like he’s the shittiest person on Earth right now.”

“Well, he should,” she grumbles quietly. “I can’t believe I actually didn’t . . . Hell, I don’t know what I was thinking all through _that_. I even allowed myself to think that the guy was actually quite attractive, with all his dorky glasses and checkered shirts and being all friendly to me while I was being stood up by some Facebook dude bullshit. Turns out he just stuck with me out of . . . pity, I guess?”

Finn does a sad smile. “I’m sure it wasn’t just out of pity. He must really like you if he felt so torn about not telling you who he really was — which doesn’t make him any less of an asshole, but still.”

“Anyway.” She sighs, shaking her head — because she’s done enough crying and moaning over the past twelve hours, and she doesn’t feel like ruining Finn’s day. “I think we should get going. Professor Imwe’s _always_ complaining about how we’re always late to his lectures.”

“You know what?” Finn said, squeezing her shoulder ever so gently. “I was thinking maybe we could skip Intro to Shakespeare today. No offense, but his late romances aren’t even _that_ good.”

Rey blinks, feeling visibly confused by the way her uber-responsible best friend has just suggested the possibility of them skipping their next lecture, like it’s something he’d even do under normal circumstances.

“You really don’t have to do this,” she begins, “I mean, if it’s because of what happened yesterday — I’m all right, and I was actually looking forward to this lecture. _The Tempest_ is actually really . . .”

“C’mon, Rey,” he shakes his head, smiling one of his honest, point-blank smiles. “Let’s just skip it for today, all right?”

Rey sighs, but her lips curl into the faintest of smiles at the idea of taking some time off with Finn instead of locking herself up in some lecture where she’ll inevitably end up thinking about Ben.

“Fine, I guess,” she says finally, and even laughs at the way Finn whoops in approval. “But let’s just, you know, try and chill for a bit. I don’t wanna talk about Ben, all right?”

“Sure thing,” Finn nods. “The kid’s dead to me. Even if we’ve never even, you know, actually _met_.”

“How very touching of you,” Rey snorts, but smiles nevertheless — because Finn truly is the best friend she’s ever had, and he gets her like no one else quite can.

And, for the next couple of hours, they simply stroll around the campus and chat about pretty much everything — their lives before college, their families, their common friends and classmates. Rey finds herself laughing a lot and even teasing Finn from time to time, which _definitely_ makes her feel a little better about the whole Ben situation. She even forgets to check her phone like she’s obsessively been doing for the past twelve hours — because, in spite of everything, she _does_ expect Ben to apologize for what happened the previous night.

She only unlocks her phone when they’re back at their dorm and getting ready for lunch, with Rose perching on her shoulder and gleefully going on about having passed her Organic Chemistry midterm in spite of how dreadfully she thought it had gone.

Needless to say, she immediately grimaces when she sees Ben’s name amongst her notifications.

_Ben Solo [1:05 PM]: Hey, Rey. I know you told me not to text you, but I really needed to say sorry again. I know I messed it all up, and I know you’ll probably hate me for, well, pretty much the rest of your life. But I’ve given it a bit of thought and I thought I should let you know how I feel because, as you may have guessed, I am a lot better at expressing my feelings through writing than at acting them out in real life. So yes, here it goes — I’m afraid it might turn out to be an awfully long text, but please do read it before deleting this convo. Feel free to block me afterwards — my mom will probably understand and even feel a little disappointed in me after I tell her what’s happened. Please don’t stop coming home for dinner because of me, though — my parents love you like a daughter and would feel absolutely gutted if you ever stopped coming over, although I bet you already knew that._

Rey feels her chest tighten. He sent her that first text a good ten minutes ago, and he is still typing the second one. She really wants to press the ‘block’ button and ignore him for the rest of his life, but a tiny voice inside her head — which sounds a lot like Leia’s — is quietly telling her to hear what he has to say before blocking him out of her life for good.

“You all right, Reysky?” Rose asks, poking her cheek.

“Yeah . . . yeah, I’m fine,” she muses, nodding quietly. She pockets her phone again and adds, in the most nonchalant tone that she can manage right now, “I just . . . need to get a bit of rest before lunch, all right?”

“Sure,” Rose says, although her tone is still somewhat doubtful. Sensing that her roommate probably just needs some space, she adds, “I’m gonna go check on Finn and Poe, all right?”

“Sure.”

And, once Rose is gone, Rey checks her phone again. Ben is still typing, so she quickly scrolls through her other unread chats — Poe sent her several memes that morning, and she replies to them with several laughing emojis without even opening them because, although she appreciates the way her friends have been trying to cheer her up ever since she got back from her date with Kylo, she feels like she needs to handle what’s about to come entirely on her own. She replies to a text from Leia inviting her over for lunch the following day, which she kindly declines — because, in spite of what Ben just told her, she really doesn’t feel like having lunch with his parents like nothing has happened between the two of them. She pretty much ignores the rest of her messages and then goes back to her chat with Ben, where he’s _still_ typing — a gesture that she’d even find somewhat endearing if the boy hadn’t broken her heart less than twelve hours ago.

That doesn’t keep her heart from beating just a little bit faster when Ben’s text message comes in, though.

_Ben Solo [1:18 PM]: Okay, first off — I know I’ve never been exactly nice to you. I know I was a difficult boy, and I probably still am a sort of difficult man (??). I don’t know. There’s always been this . . . this really dark thing inside of me, ever since I was a little kid. My mom thought I’d grow past it, but I sometimes feel as though my dad resented me for not being the outdoorsy, extroverted boy he wanted me to be, and that idea only fueled said darkness more and more. And then you just . . . showed up, and you were all smiles and field trips and playing ball with him every single Sunday, and I just_ hated _you because of that. Because it made me feel as though I didn’t deserve my own parents, and that you would’ve been a better daughter for them than I ever was as a son. Hell, I even thought they loved you more than they’d ever loved me. And that angered me a lot, and made me project my frustrations towards you — and then we grew up and I just didn’t know how to make it stop. It would have felt weird to suddenly act nicer around you, especially when you’d also grown accustomed to acting all cold around me, so I just decided to keep things the way they were. We saw less and less of each other as the years went by — I stopped being there for every single Sunday lunch once I moved out for college, and you became an entirely different person while I was away. Scratch that, I don’t think it was you who changed — you’ve always been the loveliest person I know, as cheesy as that may sound. You were just so infuriatingly_ good _, Rey. There was this fire raging inside of me and all you did was smile pleasant smiles at my mom for cooking you dinner and smother my dad with kisses whenever he brought you something back from one of his trips. I resented all four of you, and above anything else I resented myself. And I simply didn’t know how to make it stop — until you sent me that friend request and I thought befriending you online could be a first step towards, you know, making amends with you. But then we started talking and I just . . . I just liked so much of what I saw in you, Rey. And I liked who I was whenever I impersonated Kylo, and I liked who you thought I was while impersonating him. Hell, I even began fantasizing about us . . . well, becoming more than friends, which is absolutely ridiculous, but it still happened. And I didn’t want that to end, but I just couldn’t stand the idea of making you hate Kylo just as much as you hate me when you thought he had stood you up. I thought it’d be best to tell you the truth — and I still think it was, in spite of how it all ended. Because my mom was right — I’ve always liked you, but I was never truly aware of it — at least not until we began texting through Kylo’s Facebook page. Because I got to know what it feels like to be your friend, to share my interests with you. I think I fell in love with you sometime after that last dinner at my parents’, and I really can’t stand the idea of having ruined whatever was going on between us by acting like a coward. That’s all I wanted to say._

_Ben Solo [1:19 PM]: Wow, that ended up being embarrassingly long. Sorry in advance._

_Ben Solo [1:19 PM]: Just let me know if you’d be willing to chat over some coffee instead of replying to this somewhat embarrassing fleshing out of my soul and fears via text message. It’s fine if you don’t feel like it, though — I just needed to let that out._

Rey’s head hurts a little by the time she reads Ben’s last message — she’s feeling confused, moved, and somewhat relieved by the way Ben has finally brought some sense into the odd dynamic that they’d fallen into ever since they first met. For once, she finally feels as though she _can_ understand the motivations behind his lack of empathy towards her — because, after all, his relationship with his father has been everything but easy and his mom has always tried to make up for it, but a woman can only do so much for a son who keeps trying to lock himself up in his own world of telescopes, algorithms and Physics textbooks. She hasn’t forgiven him, not at all, but at least she can say that she begins to understand the mystery that Ben Solo-Organa has always been to her. And because of that, she can’t help but text him a quick reply before picking up her things and joining her friends for lunch.

_Rey Skywalker [1:23 PM]: All right. Meet me for coffee at Alderaan Café at five._

•••

She gets to Alderaan Café a few minutes before five and orders a latte, just like she did the previous evening. She takes her beanie and her scarf off before taking a seat by the window, quietly glancing though it from time to time in case Ben shows up early — because at least she _does_ know who to expect today, and she’s ready to talk things out with him, even if there is no trace of the innocent foolishness that trailed around her the previous evening whenever she fantasized about Kylo and the possibility of them becoming more than friends. No, she knows how she feels about Ben, and she will _never_ let herself feel as vulnerable as she did the previous evening.

“Hey.”

She even manages a feeble — but nevertheless serious — smile when she looks up at him. “Hey.”

“I . . . I’ll go grab some coffee, all right?”

She nods, and absentmindedly observes him as he walks up to the counter and orders his coffee (and possibly some pastry too, she notes). He’s wearing his usual checkered shirt and appears to have combed his hair back — which is _a lot_ coming from Ben Solo-Organa — and his scruff is nowhere to be seen, which makes her think he has shaved out of sheer politeness towards her — a gesture that she can’t help but find terribly endearing in spite of everything.

_Get a_ grip _, Rey_.

He comes back with a tray and tilts his chin towards the spare chair in front of her, as though asking if he’s allowed to sit there. She nods, holding back a smile when she realizes how _clumsy_ he is for someone well over six feet tall.

“So . . .” he mutters. It’s obvious that he feels exposed after, well, having fleshed himself out like he did in his last text messages, but he still manages a small smile before taking a seat in front of her. “Yeah. Again, I’m sorry. I know you must’ve agreed to this out of pity or something like that, but . . . yeah.”

“No, it’s fine.” Rey shrugs. She doesn’t want to sound too hostile, but she doesn’t want him to feel as though she doesn’t care about what happened yesterday, either. “I mean, it’s the least I could do. I . . . vented out in the middle of the street and didn’t let you explain yourself, so.”

“I don’t think I could’ve explained much right then, though,” he shrugs, before breaking his croissant into two and offering her half of it. When Rey shakes her head, he just leaves her half on the plate and takes a bite off his. “I’ve always _sucked_ at that sort of stuff. Expressing my feelings and all that, I mean. My mom even took me to a child therapist when I was like eight because I refused to speak to my dad after he left for a month, just because I was too upset to acknowledge the fact that I missed him.”

Rey’s lips twitch, because she _does_ know a thing or two about missing the most important people in your life. “That must’ve been hard. I never knew — I mean, I never thought your relationship with Han had been so strained from the very beginning.”

Ben lets out a sad chuckle, almost as though it pains him to talk about it. “I mean, it wasn’t _always_ like that. He was always there for me when I was a toddler — he’d take me outside and play with me and show me his archaeological discoveries and all that stuff, and I’d do whatever he did because well, is there a single little boy out there who doesn’t want to do exactly what his dad does?” He shrugs, and takes a sip from his coffee as he casts a glance through the window. Rey can see the pain in his eyes — which only makes her feel a little more empathic towards him. “But then he became, you know, somewhat famous, and started going off on his trips and I just stayed inside reading and studying instead of doing what he expected a son of his would do, and . . . well, we drifted apart and never quite made amends after that.”

“I’m sorry about that,” she admits — and she really does mean it. “And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel as though your parents liked me better or something like that. They really do love you, Ben — you don’t know how lucky you are to have them.”

“I _know_ I’m lucky,” he cuts, his tone raspier now — but not in an aggressive way, Rey notes. “I know they love me, and I know they’ve always been the best version of themselves for me. I just felt like _I_ wasn’t enough for them. Like they wanted a better, nicer, more extroverted son — someone that I simply couldn’t be.”

“I don’t think they expect anything of you, Ben,” she says, and carefully places her hand over his — even though every single one of her instincts is telling her not to. “They just want you to be happy. And they want you to be the best version of yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to _change_ the very core of your existence because of that. You don’t have to be adventurous like your dad, and you don’t have to be sociable like your mom. You just have to be _you_ , and to do that you have to be at peace with yourself and like yourself for who you are.”

“I liked myself when I talked to you online,” he mutters, averting his gaze. “Perhaps that’s just it — I’ve never really liked myself all that much, and that’s probably why I isolated myself from my parents and Uncle Luke and you when I was a kid. But I _liked_ the way I could just be myself online, and I liked it best when I realized you liked me, too.”

Rey feels how her stomach churns at that last sentence, but she just takes a deep breath and gives Ben’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“I . . . I _did_ like you, Ben,” she says. “And I still like you. I mean, it’s hard, but I can’t ignore the fact that I’ve felt very strongly for you over the past few weeks. Granted, I didn’t know it was you, but . . . I just wish you’d told me. I wish we could’ve gotten to know each other better by just sitting here and drinking coffee instead of having to hide behind some Facebook persona, and I wish you hadn’t just let me feel like utter _shit_ yesterday because I thought some dude I really liked was ghosting me after telling me he liked me and wanted to meet up with me.”

Ben nods quietly and takes another sip from his coffee, as though he’s trying to take it all in. Rey quietly takes her hand away from his and holds her cup close to her nose, breathing in the warm, sugary scent of her latte, and observes him quietly before taking a sip from it, too.

“I mean, I don’t really know what to say,” Ben blurts out finally, his shoulders tensing into a sad, resigned shrug. “You’re absolutely right about everything you just said. But I just . . . wish there was some way I could get this right, you know. I feel like I’ve already made way too many mistakes in my life, and I . . . I just don’t want you to become one of them.”

Rey grimaces. Not because Ben’s words are putting her off — but rather because she _really_ understands most of what he’s saying.

“I don’t know what to say, either,” she confesses, shrugging her shoulders in a rather confused gesture. “I . . . gosh, this is going to sound ridiculous, but — I really liked you while we were texting, but I also liked you yesterday before you told me the truth. You don’t need to be Kylo for me to like you, but I do need you not to lie to me if . . . well, if we’re going to be friends, first and foremost.”

Ben nods quietly before downing his coffee, his expression still pensive but more relaxed by the time he finishes his drink. “I think I can do that, yes.” And then he smiles one of those tiny, childish smiles that Rey has only seen on his face once or twice before, and she can’t help but smile, too. “Do you think we could be friends, then?”

She takes a second before finishing her coffee, but ultimately offers him a half-smile.

“Yeah, I think that could work.”

•••

As it turns out, being Ben Solo-Organa’s friend _is_ a rather fun thing after all. They spend the rest of the evening talking about Ben’s parents, Luke’s antics when it comes to dealing with children, and college professors that they’ve both had, and Rey almost seems to forget everything that happened the previous day over the following hours. He seems relaxed and genuinely interested in getting to know her better, and she can’t help but feel the same blurb of excitement in her chest when he loosens the collar of his shirt and puts his glasses on — she doesn’t know _when_ she started regarding Ben Solo-Organa as an attractive person, but she also finds herself not really caring at all. She just enjoys the idea of simply being there with him, chatting and laughing and feeling as though they’re genuinely getting to know each other for the first time in their lives.

He even insists on walking her back to her dorm, which is totally unnecessary but also somewhat flattering. Rey finds herself realizing she likes the way he’s taller than pretty much everyone else on campus, and even laughs when he bumps his forehead against the doorframe; she also happens to enjoy how he just laughs it off with a shy smile and rubs his forehead as they walk back to her dorm. It’s almost as though Ben has allowed himself to exhale and let out all the dark thoughts looming in his head for the first time in his life — almost as if the mere idea of _being_ with her already made him feel more at ease with himself.

“So what do we do now?” Rey blurts out once they’re back at her college dorm, her hands in her jacket pockets and Ben’s in his jeans’. The question has been itching at the bottom of her throat all evening, and she knows she couldn’t have held it back much longer. “I mean . . . where are we?”

“Uh, we’re literally in front of your dorm hall, Rey,” Ben jokes. He even laughs a little when Rey rolls her eyes and swats his arm ever so gently. “All right, all right, just kidding. I . . . I don’t know, Rey. We’re pretty much wherever you want us to be, honestly.”

“I don’t know,” she confesses — because she truly doesn’t know what she wants, or even what she _needs_ right now. The only thing she knows for sure is that she genuinely likes Ben Solo, and that she would love to spend more time with him, even after what happened the previous day. “It’s just . . . it’s weird, because being with you feels weird but also really . . . well, nice. I don’t know. I loved hanging out with you yesterday until — well, _that_ — and I loved hanging out with you today. I just really like _being_ with you when you’re not being all cold and quiet, I guess.”

“Let me take you out on a date, then,” he offers, and there’s something like a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “A _real_ date, not some shitty coffee date like the one I suggested the other day. I promise I’ll be here at 6 PM sharp, and I’ll take you somewhere nice. Does that sound okay?”

Rey has to hold back a grin, but nods enthusiastically at Ben’s suggestion. “All right, that does sound quite nice. See you then, Solo.”

And, before Ben can say anything else, she stands on her tiptoes and presses a kiss to his cheek before rushing upstairs, a wholehearted grin spreading across her face.


End file.
